As I left Pulchowk Campus after taking
my letter for writing final question paper, a thought as usual came
on my mind. Is it the worst position I have ever been? My current
state has been full of trouble of all sorts. I am suffering from my
recurring lower respiratory track infection that I always fear will
turn asthmatic one day. This grows worse each time as I commute my
way to office and back home. A physically as well as mentally weak
person from childhood, It has been difficult for me to convince
myself that I will ever survive this big monstrous world. Home has no
gas and its weeks since we haven't seen proper cooking of food at
home. My past childhood days of kerosene are back and my room smells
it. My poor roommate rushed for kerosene on morning chill spilling it
all over his body as he carried it back home. Its not my poverty that
is causing but the state of the nation I am in that reflects this. As
I am typing this blog, I am having current loadshedding that I have
been facing from the day I crossed into Nepalese border 9 years ago.
A small nation yet so unmanaged in all respects that it is one of the
poor nation of the world. Scarcity has been implanted so much into my
blood that I have this obsession on preventing every kind of resource
wastage. Work has been my trouble too. Work pressure caused by
improper management and high expectation has been prime source of
problem. Its like daily struggle for no goal. Plus being away from
home is such a big pain. Half of my problem would sublime if I get
the warmth of people around me who don't pretend but feel me
internally.
But, suddenly I try thinking of the
positive sides of it. Man does not live for happiness, he lives for
his dreams and passion. He lives for proving that he has ability to
fulfill his goal. I still remember dreaming of teaching one day at
pulchowk, a dream college for most of students in nepal as I entered
a college far away from kathmandu, rarely heard of. Its not big to
have dreams, its still not big to ignore it later. But, what is big
is the sacrifice you make to achieve it. Currently, work pressures
are immense but the responsibility of my shoulders to lead my team
makes me feel proud of myself. A weak person from childhood who
always feared that my voice will disappear among crowd, I am
representing voice of my team. Its like a roar that echoes and
baffles the minds of people. My passionate mind is so much blinded
that it has started to ignore the normal human instincts of fear and
care. Similarly, I feel I am representing the voice of troubled
units. That unit may be my family, my city, my team, my country or
even my human race. Suddenly, my fear looses grip and I feel stronger
in face of problems. I gain courage to smile at it. Its like becoming
so much strong internally that normal external senses dont have any
effect.
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