Alone at my flat room, I was playing
song 'Chanda hai tu, mera suraj hai tu' when I suddenly realized the
biggest richness I have. It wasn't money or even knowledge or health
or friends that most people consider so precious in their life. It
was something like the Deewar film reply, Mere paas Maa hai. A
small idea just grew into a biggest conclusion of my life suddenly in
a second. It was like Nuclear Fission. It happened in a flick of
second and grew into something I will value for my life. The richness
that I have is simple: Mother.
Let me ask you one question. Imagine
your mother. You will imagine a female lady depending on your
experience with her that will give you various feelings. But, ask me
and I will give you a list of never ending personalities each one
conflicting yet true. The reason is simple. I have multiple mothers
that you may not have. In my life of 24 years, I never realized it.
Today I realized it. It wasn't even like Buddha's meditating posture
yet the same feeling what Buddha must have obtained during his
nirvana. My life had been shaped and influenced by each of these
great personalities. Maybe that is why people find difficult to deal
with me because my own personality is conflicting which corresponds
to that of my mothers.
My biological mother is ofcourse the
first and yet the most special one. The sweetness of my relation with
her has grown over time. She has been very protective of me as I have
been very weak from my start. She represents everything that
parallels with the properties of GOD. When I imagine about her I can
only feel courage and confidence that I never felt even with my best
of friends.
I also have my step-mother with whom I
don't have good relation. My family never had good relations with her
and thus that relation was inherited to me too. To me, she represents
the dark lord. When I imagine her I get cold with fear that I never
felt even with worst of my foes.
I never felt grandfather as both my
paternal and maternal grandfathers were dead by time I gained natural
consciousness. But, I was gifted by grandmothers on both side. Both
have been very influential on me. I lost my paternal grandmother
during my undergraduate studies. When I think of her, I see myself in
mirror. If you know me, I don't need to describe her. My father
strongly bears her characteristics and thus I inherited her
characteristics through him. My maternal grandmother represents
social figure to me. When I imagine her, I can only see smile. The
eternal smile that Buddha emitted after defeating evil Mara.
I was born and grew in India, the
mother of billions including me. When I think of her, I feel girl
talking Marathi in a speedy yet smart accent. I also feel the warmth
of water when you hold for drinking which equals to warmth of my
biological mother when I hold her tightly when I am scared.
My motherland is Nepal. When I think of
her, I feel eternal peace in a lonely planet far away from the
regular crowd. Among peace, I feel strong disturbance that
suddenly disrupts my stable mind. I have been seeing goodness and
badness separate till now. When thinking of Nepal, I feel both
entities converging into one. I can feel the darkness of loadshedding
and in it see brightness of hope. It somehow represents me. All
conflicting things merged into one. Nepal is land formed out Indian
Plate colliding with Asia that gave rise to mighty Himalayas. Maybe
we share same origins. We both look at each other and smile,
internally.
